5th wedding anniversary; The joys & the lessons

Hiiiiiii blog fam! Happy 2022! Hope you are having an amazing January already and I pray that you see the goodness of God all throughout your YEAR.  This year, I am going to be much more consistent on here and that’s a promise. So help me God.

I am really excited about today’s topicccc because—drum rolls, hubs & I recently celebrated our 5 years anniversary and we are really over the moon at how far we have come. guys… I won’t even sugarcoat this or try to be humble about this: It’s been AWESOME. The dynamic of our relationship has changed from time to time through parenting & adulting but at the core?… we are still just those two young people who fell in love with each over 6 years ago & wanted to be build a life together.

One major highlight for me at our anniversary date was reviewing our last 5 years, planning the next one & filling up our bucket lists. It is honestly the BEST DATE ever. I literally just wanted time to still so we could be in the moment forever. And leaving that place that night- one thing I proposed was to share some lessons we have learned in the last 5 years of our marriage and so here goes;

Before we dive in though: a short back story on how my hubs & I met.

Girl & Guy attended the same church &were in the same choir unit. She crushed on him for a bit, but soon realize she wasn’t the only one. So she willed away her crush. Years later, Guy asked girl out—out of the blue, girl of course said YES and their love story began. She was 19 at the time.

2 years later, just before her final year exam in Unilorin. Guy proposed to girl. Girl says YES. Although girl was hopelessly in love & wanted to get married to guy asap *winks*, she was a bit worried about getting married on the brick of adulthood not haven experienced the world, she poured herself into marriage books & learnt as much she could theoretically… and in 3 months after her convocation, Girl marries Guy and real-life practical began.

5 years later? She would do it all over again!

Now, what are the lessons or major things that has helped us in the last five years— brace up ooo. LONG POST ALERT

1. Leaving & cleaving completely; There is a reason I added completely to this point and it’s because it is easily misunderstood. In God’s perfect design, you have to leave and cleave before you can become one flesh.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united andcleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24 AMPC

And while the leaving part is usually quite easy… The cleaving is where the work is.. because it requires continuously telling yourself that this new person you just said “I do” to is to be one flesh with you and then working towards the physical, emotional, relational and spiritual reality of that oneness.

The marriage counselling classes we attended & all those books we read keyed in on CLEAVING as the most important thing in the first year especially. So we were determined to do it right. And ironically, it involved the simplest things such as;

Developing our own lifestyle & dependence on each other.

Sharing our feelings and heart’s desires with each other rather than parents/friends

Keeping personal issues between ourselves

Learning to say no to excessive demands outside our marriage relationship

Being intentional about putting each other first

Weaving our lives around each other etc

These things may appear super easy except for people who like me thrive on people relationships & conversations. I am a talker & I love people so… cleaving wasn’t the easiest thing for me. I enjoy talking & sharing a lot with my mum, my sisters & friends… and so in that first year, I had to consciously take a break and really zero in on my marriage. It was the best decision ever, because today, hubs & I are best friends…. And one hot gist–we talk a lot, I think it’s a lil too much even… haha 😂 . We know the tiniest things about each other and I love love it. This has indirectly made our relationship richer.

Caveat; This is not to say ditch your other friends & relationships when you get married oo pls, cause I know there is a lot of conversation around this, it is however to reiterate that the most important relationship in your life should remain your spouse’s. And I don’t know about anybody but— if something very significant happens to me right now & I call my best friend/sister to talk about it, the likelihood of the second person I intend to tell (my husband) getting all the details & knowing how significant it was to me when it happened as mostly likely reduced. And the effect of this grows over the years. I hope y’all get it.

2. Evolving together as a whole, but first growing individual; This is a game changer honestly. And for me who married at 21 and has evolved a lot in the period of our 5 year marriage, I would give the credit here to my husband. He understood the assignment of support as one evolves and this was really helpful. Becoming a mom changed me in a lot of ways- I almost forgot my personal goals as some point, but he was there to remind me- when I am about to turn down on an opportunity because of our child. And this required him not being selfish, because he had to hold the ball, if that opportunity he encouraged me to take has me dropping the ball in any area. And it was just really sweet to watch… So if you are a man here reading this—take note. Having someone remind you of your goals and aspirations when a beautiful lil human being made you lose sight of them for a bit— that’s gold.

Most importantly growing individually is DIAMOND (see what I did there? haha). In many ways, I am super different from the girl I was 5 years ago, and in some ways, I am still her, same applies to him as. Growing individually in different areas of our lives has nourished our marriage in ways I can’t even really explain. Admiration keeps love alive. When you are growing as an individual, you give room for admiration and this feeling works in tandem. We admire the person we are in love with, and we have a need for them to admire us, too. This self-perpetuating back and forth has nourished our relationship and propelled each person to be our best selves.

3. Talking: as simple as this sounds ehn, I realize it’s our biggest asset. We talk a lot. And so we rarely hide our feelings from each other. I think in fact this was one of the reasons I knew I was going to marry him. So I remember this one particular night at Unilorin car park where we sat & talked for over 6 hours. The initial reason was for me, a 200 level student who stayed on campus to keep him (a corp member who stayed off-campus) company while he waited for the popular long queue at the car park to come to minimal so he could get a comfortable transport to convey him. So we sat and waited, only that at some point, the park became a backdrop for one of the longest & important conversations we ever had- we decided the number of kids we were going to have that night ooo and we were only few months into dating each other! Likeee time just passed like wind & before we knew it, it was almost 12 midnight (from 6pm)— he had to then hurriedly go with the last cab leaving school just before the 12 midnight curfew when school gates will be locked. How the full car park became empty and we had no idea because we were talking? I can’t explain till today but I knew I went back to my hostel that night thinking “Life will never be boring with this one, I want to marry him!” LOL.

Talking for hours on end and losing track of time? – it’s still our favorite thing to do.

And in talking, we know each other better, learn about each other insecurities & together find ways to make it better. In talking, we have also learned to enjoy silence because when you communicate often & freely, silence becomes enjoyable.

Effective communication is key in any relationship and it is the foundation on which ours was built.

4. Not letting the kid affect the bond; Ok, so this is actually impossible to some extent. Kids will definitely change the dynamic of your relationship with your spouse especially if they came in as soon as you got married of which by the way, was our case. And although it took some intentionality on my part (as expected, women are more in control of this), this was something that we were able to hack.

Ever heard of the line “always together, but no longer alone?” … that’s what jumping from a twosome into a family does to you.

First, pregnancy is wired in such a way that men can easily feel detached…and then childbirth—with the natural tendency for you to revolve your life around the lil human being that is still so unbelievably yours, while almost FORGETTING the exact thing that resulted in the baby- the dynamic relationship you share.  Granted however that women feel different kind of emotions through this phase, men do as well with their own feelings more likened to—“a lil bit of loneliness and fear of the lil human snatching their wife’s attention & love”— and my own intentionality (as I mentioned earlier) was learning all I could about the circumstance, then determining right ahead that the baby wasn’t going to affect our dynamic, but like the saying goes … “It is not as easy as it sounds”  

It was a series of intentional steps from both of us- having alone time regularly, personal sacrifices for collective good etc. Looking back now though, the most important step I took, although inconsequential at the time was— making sure that as much as I could, Almond slept in her own room & not our bed— (hmmm…you will only understand the amount of work this requires if you are a new mom or have been there before) It was particularly stressful when she was a baby; nursing her in her room & then returning back to ours to sleep just to maintain that personal space for us both, – but today ? 2 lovely benefits: our unbreakable bond & an independent 4 year old. SO good!

This may not applicable to everyone, but like I said figure out what works for you.

5. God: if he doesn’t build a home who can? Our 5 year marriage testimony would be incomplete without the wisdom giver & home builder who has been our help.

If God doesn’t build the house,the builders only build shacks. If God doesn’t guard the city, the night watchman might as well nap

Psalm 127:1

All the 4 items above amount to nothing without His grace. Putting God first in a home works and our home is a testament.

35 thoughts on “5th wedding anniversary; The joys & the lessons”

  1. So beautiful… I enjoyed reading this. What stood out for me was the understanding of communicating with your partner regardless of the season or event. The intentionally and effort plus going for knowledge and truly applying is so good 👍.

    May God continue to bless your home

  2. I can’t imagine how I read every single thing without skipping a line. This is so beautiful and detailed
    Thank you for sharing this
    God bless you home

  3. Sowande oluwabukola

    Wow awesome I really enjoyed reading this blog and really my most interesting part and i think I will emulate when the time is right is the part that you teach you daughter to sleep in her room at that age that really amazes me and that show how intentional you are nice job sis

  4. AYOMIDE Ogunnaike

    This is really beautiful. The intentionality is the goal.
    I have always been a champion of not letting the kids steal your relationship and your step is very practical.Hope to apply it someday.
    Happy wedding anniversary Dami🍾

  5. I have 2 questions
    1. At what age do you start allowing your baby to sleep alone?
    2. Is she sleeping in the same room with hiouse help or any body at all?

    I just want to add to what I have assimilate before

    1. Lovely questions 😇
      1. From the day she came back from the hospital actually. It helped that her room was already set. So at first, I did it out of excitement. The baby COT we made for her was very beautiful so someone had to sleep in it 😂. But my MUM was with her as we put a small bed in her room too. So it was easier, she tended to her midnight & called me to feed her when needed.

      On the long run, after grandma left, it was her alone. I have never had leave-in house-helps. But I established a routine where I set alarms to feed her twice every night. I would wake up go to her room, feed her while reading or watching a good movie to keep me company & when done, return to our room to cuddle with hubs 🥰.

      It IS HARD oo, let me repeat it again. Some days, I slept off in her room while feeding her either on the chair or the bed. But the efforts counted eventually.

      There are also exceptions- for when she is sick- we could both camp in her room. One thing remained essential though- she grew up knowing that her room is her space. Ours is not. She knocks before coming into our room now & I love it 😍

      It also helped us potty train her real quick. Her dad did the wake-her-up 6 times a night to wee thing for about 3 weeks & that was it. She was fully potty trained at 18months and we stopped using diaper. Saved us a lot of money ! 😃😂

      2. I suppose I already answered that 😅

  6. A marriage built on solid rocks!
    Keep being intentional about making your marriage work.
    May God continue to bless your union my dear Dami❤️

  7. To be honest….. I just wanted to read something and I am glad I read this wonderful piece 💕💕

    The part that really Got me was the growing individually part ✨✨✨✨✨✨

  8. I wish there’s a like / love button that can be punched / clicked many times.

    This is worth the read and also a good thing to emulate.

    Thanks for writing without holding back.

    God bless your Family.

  9. After reading this,
    I ask myself, “do I still need to go for church pre-marriage counseling?” I hope I won’t skip sessions eventually 😬 BECAUSE I LEARNT A WHOLE TRUTH 😲

    May God continue to keep and bless your Home. Amen.

    Thanks a bunch Hon!

  10. Falana Oyewunmi

    God will continue to uphold your home. I must confess, i was scared for you as of then🤨..but as time goes by i begin to admire your courage and determination! You have put in a whole lot of work into making your home heaven on earth 🤗God bless you oluwadamilola. Cheers to Forever 🍷🍷

  11. Omg! I absolutely love this! Happy wedding Anniversary! First, you write so well! Like I was totally immersed till the end. I didn’t even see it as a long read! At all!

    Secondly, thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed reading. I pray that your family continue to blossom in love and admiration! Super cute! May God watch over you and yours and protect you! Amen! ❤️

  12. 2 things made me enjoy reading this write-up; the first being the fact that I could relate to you guys love story so much cos I was partly there. I remembered you inviting us to the the school Auditorium then for a program he hosted (SPEAK).. Right there and then, seeing him stand on the podium I wanted him for you. The proposal at the mall, him travelling to Germany then I think to represent Nigeria in a competition and howi would tease you at chemistry lab about missing him. How time flies.
    And the second reason is because, I see my husband and I in this writeup. This is basically my marriage just that it’s just being 2 years and not 5.
    I am really looking forward to your post for “mummy toddler”, God knows I do need that so much right now. Thank you for this beautiful writeup. Love you loads

    1. Awwwwwww. This brought back sooo many memoriesss. I remember them like yesterday! How time fliessss really. How time flies. Thanks for every every darling. God bless your family.
      Love you plenty ♥️😍…. And yasss more ginger for the toddler moms post 💃🏻📌. Thank youuuu

    2. Awwwwwww. This brought back sooo many memoriesss. I remember them like yesterday! How time fliessss really. How time flies. Thanks for every every darling. God bless your family. Love you plenty ♥️😍…. And yasss more ginger for the toddler moms post 💃🏻📌. Thank youuuu

  13. Yusuf Oluwakemi

    A reminder that true love does exist. Thanks for putting this together.

    God bless your home sis and keep it till the coming of Christ.

  14. This is so insightful, thanks for sharing🥰
    Apart from being an amazing wife and mom, you are a good writer 🥰

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