Heyyyy blog fam!

Happy New Month- oh yea, one can totally say that mid-month 🤣

My February has been WILD!

And in retrospect, I am thanking God for the inspiration to read 2 productivity books in January- It was like I was been prepared for a big test this February… and I just really like how I am been killing it where needed and most importantly SHOWING GRACE to myself where necessary.

I mentioned in one of my accountability group last Friday about how SHOWING MYSELF GRACE has been a major WIN in my February. See here

Honestly— all I see here is a mixture of growth + some big bowl- scratch that- BUCKET of radical selflove- I used to not be very kind to myself because of my very high standard & expectation from myself. And that’s why when I sensed how better it has gotten these days – I really want to brag about it & shed a bit more light on how this radical self-love thing has helped me in a tremendous way.

Before we dig right in… let me ask you a few questions-

Is radical self-love a thing for you?

Do you admire/love how YOU are navigating this beautiful & very unique journey of life you are on?

Do you show yourself grace as often as possible? Or do you beat yourself for the doing ‘only’ 99 out of your ultimate 100?

Did you get yourself a gift this valentine?

Or your inner goddess is ‘yinmu-ing’ Lori iro to my getting yourself gift comment just now? 😂

Happy Valentine day from me to you BTW 😍😍😍

If you answered YES to all 4 of the above questions, bravo bro/sis, you are doing well !!!

But if you, like me are unable to answer all as YES, then keep your eyes glued to the screen as I share something profound that I recently learned about self-love. How most of us have confused it with self-reliance. And how hashtagging selflove on a spa day picture isn’t exactly self-love—even though it’s the picture that comes to our mind when we think about it.

#Selflove is such a buzzword these days that instead of the meaning of the word being a reality in our lives, it has become relegated to a trend that has no significance. We just hashtag it with pictures on Instagram without caring to know if it has significance in our life while many of us aren’t even aware what self-love even looks like.

We see LOVE YOURSELF quotes screaming at us daily from our Instagram feeds, but what does it looks like in practice?

Why does self-love movements carry the notion that we need to truly love ourselves before someone else can love us?

Is the answer “Focus on loving yourself first” to a single person who longs for a partner really appropriate?

How does self-love look to one whose self is difficult to love? Because the past wasn’t pretty…

And how do we explain the fact that seeing ourselves from the lens of someone who loves us can make us appreciate ourselves better?

Simple answer?

We don’t learn to love ourselves in isolation, – and that’s because we don’t exist in isolation. To be human is to need other humans and our capacity to love ourselves, is often based on the amount of love we’ve received from others.

And so if you find yourself cringing & rolling your eyes when you see some self-love movement flavoured with the usual— “have a long bath”, “put on a facemask”, “go for a walk” “Love yourself first before expecting others to love you” propanganda?

I feel you. And I join you in the eye-rolling.

We don’t have to fully love ourselves in order to be lovable. You don’t have to have fully worked on yourself, be all tidied up, put-together before entering into a relationship. I know I wasn’t — and see how beautiful that turned out🤩

Loving ourselves is not a prerequisite to being in a relationship, nor is it a reflection on how loveable we actually are because SELF LOVE is a not a one time, set finish kind of thing.

It’s a journey we will forever travel. It’s a continuous process, there is no finish line and we never get to a point where we fully master it.

I really like what Chance Marshall of SELF SPACE says about it:

“Having alone time can be very great- so have a bath, light the candles, cook yourself a nice meal, take yourself out, but that isn’t self-love, it’s more self-reliance and self-sufficiency.

Self-love, on the other hand, is inextricably linked to self-esteem, it being: our ability to see ourselves as a flawed, imperfect individuals and still hold ourselves in high regard.

Self-love is the ability to not fall into a puddle of shame or self-hatred even when we mess up. It’s trying new things knowing that we could fail, without thinking of ourselves, therefore, as failures.

Whoosh! So good! 💃🏻

See how it correlates with I wrote in my accountability group on whatsapp?

This showing ourselves grace business ehn, it’s a BIG DEAL. And there is no lovers day celebration as far as I am concerned if you don’t stop a lil to celebrate the ball of brilliance & sunshine that you are!!!!

And so if self love is a life long daunting & deliberate journey that requires time…the very simplest form of it that we can start today without any prior tool other than willingness is SELF COMPASSION.

And today’s valentine day is a good day to START.

Be kind to yourself

Particularly on the days that your inner critic is raising its ugly end reminding you of all the things you promised yourself and havn’t gotten around to doing.

Do something against every fiber in your being – Treat yourself like you would have treated a friend you truly love.


Ever wondered why its easier to forgive someone than it easier to forgive yourself?

Easier to compliment someone that it is to do yourself?

Easier to write a long message to someone on their birthday than it is to write a long message to THANK yourself?

It’s probably because you know yourself better than you know anyone else. You are keenly aware of your flaws and your blunders. So naturally, when things go awry, you begin to feel inadequate and are hard on yourself. But no one is perfect. So it’s imperative to show yourself grace just as much as you do for others.

ADULTING has become incredibly hard these days—like really incredibly hard – the pressure, the constant worry around a lot of things — and do you know who has been going through this & a host other things life throws—YOU.

Please show yourself grace as often as possible

And then watch yourself blossom like a garden.

Someone said to me recently “ I love your Instagram bio- what informed it?”—I told her it’s a whole journey.

I took me a while to get to this place where I show kindness constantly to myself and so I put on there to affirm to myself over & over that despite being someone who loves to plan & live intentionally, I will love myself enough to show grace as many times as possible.

And I confess it as often as I can;

I plan & live by intention but show myself grace continuously.
On days that I am not immensely proud of myself, I will love myself.

I speak kindly to myself. I don’t compare myself with others nor do I recline to the script of my past experiences. I celebrate my actions even when the result is unfavorable. I let go of things I can not control and show myself kindness, compassion & unconditional love.

I am my best friend, I am proud of me.

And So today’s Valentine’s Day ehn, I would want you dear blog fam to not only stop at extending grace to yourself but to CELEBRATE yourself.

Do something dear for YOU.

Doesn’t even have to cost money, just something you know yourself that you truly make you happy.

Because truly any other kind of valentine that doesn’t involve you showing grace & love to yourself? Is absolutely LORI IRO 🤣

And here is wishing you the most lori-iro less Valentine’s Day ever!

I scammed you with that post title- didn’t I? 😂

Well, how else would I have gotten you to read a self-love post on Valentine’s Day🤩

A girl gotta be creative😍.

I hope y’all picked a thing or two from this and that self compassion truly becomes a thing for you!



P:S: Follow me on Instagram here


  1. Fatimah Ayodele

    Thank you for this Dani,I learnt a lot and would definitely start loving my self more now.
    I love your style of writing by the way.

    Thumbs up dear.

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